YEAR THREE: Pre-Production (Script Drafts, Feedback and development)

Peer feedback (received after the second draft) and how that informed  

Colin: 

ITS SO AMAZING ZAK 

LIKE WOW 

also I so saw how you wrote everybody into those characters!!!!! 

it reminds me of like peep show writing if you get what I mean like funny but also about realistic events where not a lot really happens but it’s still really interesting and you almost just follow their day to day 

It just so amazing, I could really visualise it aswell like I could imagine what the characters really looked like 

Jemma: 

I’ve just read the script and I LOVE IT legit I could like see it 

I think cos some bits just remind me so much of uni ( the bit where jack and Natalie are fucking and then jack just goes sorry reminded me of when we used to take the piss of [name redacted] fucking whoever he was fucking ) 

Beth 

It’s good!! Makes me nostalgic haha 

RLy is how uni be 

Maybe needs more drama but that’s probably just me loving angst and tension too much (Backed up descision to tease a Ryan and Sarah relationship) 

Tutorial feedback and how that informed  
10/10 - Third Draft - https://www.dropbox.com/s/culmdwu5dd4tqle/PILOT%20DRAFT%203.pdf?dl=0
 Clear up paying of bills - Be SPECIFIC, very confusing scene 
 Continue the clock!
 More comedy available from Ryan's post-strap on reaction - silence?
 

26/11 - Second Draft - https://www.dropbox.com/s/nwwjbkcgsryoekz/PILOT%20DRAFT%202.pdf?dl=0

• Very positive and reassuring – heard Simon laugh while reading beforehand 
• Much more exciting, Characters really coming through, esp Jack & Sarah – Ryan seems “kind of dull” - intended plan 
• Mostly Good forward momentum 

• Enjoyed Beth shouting about glasses being for sight, not intelligence   
• Push Beth’s character more – could really push Sarah’s breakdown 
• Be specific about Jack being genderfluid 
• Felt like Ryan and Sarah’s football scene was going to lead somewhere for them ALSO INSPIRED CHANGING JACK/SARAH/RYAN SLEEPING TOGETHER LATER IN SEASON TO SARAH/RYAN HAVING CONSTENT DRUNK ONE NIGHT STANDS & HIDING – DIDN'T WANT TO JEPORADISE QUEER RELATIONSHIP AND FELT IT WOULD BETTER ADD TO SARAH’S FAILURE, JEPORADISING OTHER RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDSHIPS AND HOUSE DYNAMIC. LIKE THE IDEA OF RYAN DUMPING SARAH TO PROVE MATURITY, ONLY FOR SARAH FOR REVEAL IT OUT OF SPITE AND HURT. EASIER TO LET IT COME OUT AND MAINTAIN SOME POSITIVITY AT THE END THAN THREEWAY.  
• Include bills at the beginning and end of episode to make continuing thread of episode 

• Desperately needs a new title  
• Best thing personally made in 4 years at uni - CONFIDENCE LED TO FINALLY SHARING WITH PEERS FOR REVIEW 

19/11 

ROUGH Pre-Production Package feedback 

• Logline -- too predictable - extented it - include unexpected - include output "new channel 4 series ... dealing with imposter syndrome, absent parents, gender binary " 

• "Screenwriter package" 
• Synopsis - sort of works - intertwine for whole series - give less detail - brief overview of arcs and points  
• Specify parents as parents  
• Be SPECIFIC ABOUT ROLE - etc father  
• VERY strong character details - empathisable characters 

• UPDATE Ryan and Natalie  
• Consider actor for Ryan - make him look straighter  
• Don't need the treatment for Ep 1 as have script  
• Each episode needs logline before description 
• Arc must carry through episode - propose problem and address thorugh episode  

• Look at structures and arcs to carry episodes EG THREE: Everybody's low, house tries to raise spirits TOGETHER through joint christmas prep 
• EXPLORE TIME SLOT  
• Check readability  
• PLAY WITH EXPECTATION 
• central theme  

12/11  - First draft - https://www.dropbox.com/s/3ndlguz1yc5q5ao/PILOT%20DRAFT.pdf?dl=0

• V expected. Characters are shocked, but audiences aren’t - Both expected and hard to hear / admit. Held off on peer review until more confident 
•  Phonecall is first interesting moment at pg13. First scene especially should HOOK audiences. Look at the opening 13 minutes of other shows. 
• Incorporate setting & blend it with the action. Be lyrical and let it add character. “Jack steps cooly over” is good. 

5/11 - Opening Scene - https://www.dropbox.com/s/mfx0q8n6ntp1go4/OPENING%20SCENE%20DRAFT.pdf?dl=0

• New perspective needed – Really expanded into ensemble piece. WHilst keeping Sarah as primary focus, also exploring lives and relationships of other housemates.  
• Really explore characters. - Heavily inspired ensemble approach, character depth promising more depth and relevance for audiences. 
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